You’re keeping me awake!
It’s exactly 2 in the morning and I was about to sleep to get some complete rest so I could get energized for tomorrow’s study session. But, I don’t know, my brain works in mysterious ways and it has this tendency to welcome new and fresh ideas when I’m about to call it a day and rest. Evidently, right now is the perfect time it has invited me to write down revelations I’ve been trying to process for several days now. I decided to give in to its requests (or more of like nudges) and to try to write down what it has come up with.
I warn you, my dear reader, that this is an impromptu writing and it may contain peanuts. Kidding! Well, what I seriously mean is that this is a free-flowing entry and it will certainly not touch on only a single topic. (Good job, brain. You’re pretty weird) Okay, here goes! 🙂
Number one. God loves to communicate and He can reach out to you in many, various, creative, and unexpected ways. Lately, He has been trying to instill in me this thing that I’ve been having a hard time to accept because it involves controlling my feelings, words, actions, and even thoughts, towards this guy that I like. Personally, it’s sad because I’m getting close to this conviction that God does not want the guy for me. I was initially in denial and I was thinking that maybe it’s just me being judgmental. ‘Cause I have this list of non-negotiables and I have to honestly admit that the apple of my eye does not possess some of the really important standards I’ve listed in there. But because my heart is stubborn, I tried to make excuses for him. However, God managed (not surprised at all) to find other mediums that He could use to talk to me, i.e. through the people who genuinely care for me and have good basis to back up their statements. These people I confided in told me to guard my heart and to start giving up the feelings I have for this guy. Their reasons I just won’t divulge here. It was pretty uncomfortable at first because I was used to this former behavior of mine to just go with the flow and do what my heart tells me. I was never the type to maintain mystery and reserve my feelings. I was the expressive type. To tell you frankly, doubt as to its credibility still knocks on my door. Then just a few hours ago, while I was browsing through the Facebook Timeline of this Christian woman I really look up to, I saw a status update from one of her recent posts. She quoted her husband (who is a pastor) and it goes like this: “I don’t need to lower my standards, God will give me a spouse.” It’s short but straight-forward. It totally reached my heart and delivered the message at its doorstep.
The temptation has been trying and persistently convincing me to lower my standards so I could entertain the prospect of us having a future together. What’s next? If I give in, maybe it’ll proceed to convince me that it’s no big deal if I make the first move. The temptation is trying to make me surrender my principles little by little, step by step, and it’s starting to tickle me with sweet imaginations until I finally loosen my ability to hold feelings altogether.
The devil is really a cunning thing. I figured you out, you evil badbadbad devil. Shame on you.
God isn’t finished yet. While I was again randomly searching for a performance by this singer I like, I was amused to have discovered that the song she sang was “You Can’t Hurry Love” by The Supremes. It’s a nice conclusion to God’s argument. He has wrapped up His case in a very persuasive manner which made such huge impact on me. I admit that I am not completely finished with my feelings towards this certain guy. But at least right now, God has made it clear to me what He wants me to do. He wants me to be still and not put my love life into my own hands. If it is His will, as quoted above, God will give me a spouse. Not just a guy. But a man who is my spouse.
Today, I was really reminded to be alert. God speaks through many ways. We need to always observe what He tries to tell us. If you’re like me who tends to doubt whether or not the message comes from Him, don’t worry and He will surely make it clear to you that a message is certainly God-sent! If it’s all right, please pray for me that I may obey His will now that He has made His message clear to me. Thank you!
Now on to the next matter.
Number two. Never ever bring your arguments with your spouse/parents/boyfriend/girlfriend/sibling/friend or anyone with whom you have a close relationship with in any social networking website. Don’t let people feast on your relationship issues. Don’t even give them a hint. You don’t need people making speculations and judgments concerning you and/or the other person and the relationship you two have. Most importantly, it’s your way of loving that person. You protect him/her from judgments. Romans 12:10 says, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
I have this mistake many times in the past and I really regret bringing out the argument on a hot plate served for everyone to feast on. Everyone had a fine time devouring it. And I felt good about myself because those people actually sided with me. Well, you know what, that was really prideful and selfish. It also shows how insecure I was that I had to make myself look like the better person, the more innocent one. My motives were wrong no matter how strong my arguments were. I didn’t really care about the other person. I just wanted to be right in the eyes of everyone. So insecure, right? I didn’t realize back in those days that it was only before God that I should present my case. It’s all that matters.
However, it’s okay for us to consult and ask for insights from people we trust. That’s a different thing. But it’s also a different thing to make the other person look like the bad guy and you, the innocent one. Check your motives. Foresee the consequences. Do these things in view of honoring and loving one another as Jesus has commanded us. 🙂
So I guess that’s about it! I have already shared what God has revealed to me today. I am utterly grateful for His grace. Day by day His wisdom puts me in awe and I’m excited that He is filling me up with passion to speak His Word the best way that I can–and yes, no matter how flawed I am. God bless us all and may we bless Him more! 😀