You were guiding my heart.

by thesongonherlips

Having friends isn’t about quantity. It’s about the quality of friendship you offer to each other. I feel blessed. I can feel God bringing me to the right path, surrounding me with the right people.

But don’t get me wrong, I also enjoy meeting new people and forming friendships with them. Let me just put it this way. I have been lonely for quite awhile. There is this something in me I wanted to share with people but was afraid to because they may find it too spiritual or serious. I was afraid to be judged because of my thoughts. I have lots of ideas. I think a lot. A lot. I always try to form something out of the circumstances I encounter every day. A philosophy or two. Sometimes I arrive at a conclusion, sometimes I have to figure out the conclusion over time. I know I’m good at thinking. But it can bring me lots of pain sometimes.

There are things I think about that my environment seldom considers as a worthy topic. It may be mentioned once or twice in passing, or used as a gesture of courtesy, or placed to assume the role of a conclusion to a dangling question or problem. These are all nice things I get to hear almost everyday. But I am longing to swim and and explore the wonder of this topic ever since the time I’ve had this gaping hole in my heart. I always wanted to talk about God and faith. Of everything about Him. To talk about Him like a trending topic. I have so many thoughts here kept for Him. I have so many questions too. I’m craving so bad.

I was lonely for some time. God has been making me kulit for over a long time now to be with people who shared the same interests as mine. But I was always shy.. always so scared to put myself out there. I had my reservations, my trust issues. My enemy is myself most of the time. I was getting really lonely. I was crying not because I don’t have a boyfriend (duh); it’s for the reason that I… I need people to help me with my faith, to be my anchor… If I can, I’d be happy to be one for them too. I always longed for this.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

James 5:16

I can’t believe now I have 3 people with me. They’re only 3 persons. But every time I get to talk to them, my heart feels like it went to a party. I’m so grateful I can bare myself to them, little by little, heart and soul. They are definitely not perfect. They sin like me. They amaze me so much because they are not afraid to admit they did this or that. There’s so much humility in having the courage to admit your sinful nature. I am amazed by these people who are not afraid to show the world their love for God. They speak of Him greatly. Never ashamed to talk about Him. To really talk about Him.

I don’t know what’s happening. But I have this conviction that God wanted this to happen. I’m not there yet. He wants me to do something for a long time now. Araw-araw kaya nangungulit. Lol He wants me to do this. A part of His plan. I am taking steps right now. Steps I have never taken before and require courage on my part. He has this great plan for me, that’s for sure. I just never thought I would be worthy of His confidence.

“You First Believed” by Hoku

How many times did I pray
You’d find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I’d see Your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in Your embrace

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of You
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I’ll never forget

It was You who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I’ve never been the same
Since You first believed

There were times
When I’d thought I’d lost You
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn’t what it seemed
Placing Your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

It was You who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was You looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I’ve never been the same
Since You first believed

How many times did I pray
You’d find me
How many wishes on a star

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