I feel so human for the past several weeks. It’s just that I became so aware of my flaws. The feeling of insufficiency makes me reconsider how I look at myself. I am not perfect, and no matter how hard I try, I highly doubt I would ever achieve that state of perfection. The constant urge and tendency to do wrong lurks inside my being. Suppressing my actions is easier than calming my thoughts. Because evil thoughts are always there to tempt you, to persuade you to second-guess your principles, to make this incident an exception. I sometimes wonder where those thoughts originate? Did I weave them out of my subconsciousness? Or were they persuasions from the devil himself? I begin to question myself sometimes. I think I’m not a good person after all. I’m trying hard to be better, but inevitable is that moment when you take the plunge and commit sin. Shame is the feeling that envelopes my whole being afterwards. It clothes me for a number of days. I always try to redeem myself though, but it always takes me a long time to accept everything. I need to re-evaluate myself objectively each and every time. That process never feels good. But I have to do it. I am doing it.
I’m not a bad person. I just lack judgment sometimes.