This is entitled “Pending” because this blog had to wait for 11 days before its completion. It started when I was reading my daily devotional and felt that the passage was really apt for my current situation. So I started to write. I was pretty sure I knew what I was saying at the start of the blog, but later on while I was being carried away by my thoughts while typing I suddenly stopped. I had no idea what to say next. I didn’t know how to justify my belief. I realized I still lacked understanding. Humility101, everyone.
Because of the unexpected drought of understanding (or to put it differently, ‘lack of wisdom’), I just labeled it as “Pending” because I intended to finish it, I just didn’t know how. I did not directly pray to finish this blog but it was my desire to complete it by the time I gain ample understanding of the topic–at least enough understanding for my level of spiritual maturity.
God is so good that He led me through the past several days to understand what I was struggling to grasp and convey. Now I have completed the blog entry. Below is not really a great and articulate blog but rather an expression of why my heart is rejoicing right now. It is my pleasure to share it to you. :)
April 1, 2013
Today I want to share this verse that inspired my daily devotional. I find it both rather amusing and moving how almost every devotional relates to my current emotion, thought, or experience of that particular day.
Today, God reminded me:
“The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear Him. For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust.” -Psalm 103:13-14
I am not perfect. No one is. There are some days when I totally hate what I am doing but still I proceed anyway because it is enjoyable. During those times, I tell Him, “Let’s talk about this later, God. It can wait, right?” My God becomes a lover taken for granted. As I do my stuff, He waits beside me, waiting for intimacy. But I don’t really seek intimacy like He does; after I’m done with my stuff, I go straight to bed. I get too tired to pray.
This is just one of the many instances I ignore my God. The God who never lets go. What’s more is His mercies are new every morning. His love is overflowing!
God knows me. He knows what my weaknesses are. He knows what catches my fancy, what makes me weak on my knees, what distracts me, what makes me angry, what makes me impatient, what makes me ashamed–everything–He knows about me. He has a plethora of patience and kindness. And He has this unique method of disciplining His children. It’s a loving discipline.
His love is unconditional. He doesn’t love you because you’re a kind person and you could easily pass the ultimate Christian test. He loves you even if you’re not that good a Christian–and even if you’re not a Christian.
… … … (Ladies and gentleman, the impasse.)
April 11, 2013
You don’t need to earn God’s love because He loves you from the very start. He is love per se.
It’s totally amazing how despite our frailty, He does not tower over us like a dictator but instead leads us to righteousness through love and patience. But what’s really funny is that I just can’t seem to relax despite of this knowledge. I am too critical and I get fidgety just at the thought of my next possible sinful act. I had to learn to this over time, i.e. that I have to relax in God’s grace.
I wasn’t able to finish this blog in one sitting. Why? Because I still didn’t understand what that devotional message meant. I just know it but I still lack understanding. I still feel very anxious whenever I sin because I still feel afraid that I would be loved less by Him. I am just so thankful that as I proceeded to face the succeeding days, God taught me about His love for me and for everyone of us.
I learned that I should never be afraid of being loved less by God. That will never happen. He will never love me less. God is the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow. His love will never falter because, as earlier proclaimed, GOD IS LOVE.
Early this morning, I understood things better when a message was revealed to me while reading the book of John. After Jesus washed His disciples feet, He told Peter that he shall deny Jesus three times. Jesus knows our weaknesses and He knew Peter would be overcome by his desire to protect himself even if it meant denying to be associated with Christ. But even so, Jesus loves Peter and He will continue to entrust him with a great mission in the future upon his repentance. It felt so secure that Jesus is capable of so much love. Peter committed such a shameful sin and yet the moment he revealed his heart of sincere repentance, Jesus did not think twice of embracing Peter’s heart and soul. Jesus did not love him less. It was quite obvious in the succeeding events of Peter’s life that he was dearly loved by the Almighty. :)
However, God’s unceasing love and grace should never be used as a “ticket to ride” the thrills of sincapades. It was pretty hard for me to learn that over the years–and until now. Whenever I willfully treat God’s love and grace as a ticket to ride a sincapade, I always come home to God feeling exhausted and ashamed. I guess this is something that I will have to learn and understand my whole life since there is no chance that I would be completely sinless.
I am just really happy right now that day by day, I learn more about Him and by reading His Word, I get to somehow grasp the infinite vastness of His love and wisdom. This blog right here is probably just a tiny portion of what I have yet to learn and understand about this area (thus, the title). But just the same I’m really blessed that I have begun to understand what love and grace meant to Him! This is only the beginning of a wonderful journey! :)